I am Aggie, a GenX Spectrum woman with challenges.

Some of my particular challenges come with aging, having diagnoses, or having just lived. Much of what I struggle with is change, especially catastrophic changes.  

The largest catastrophe in my world revolves around my world interpreter. (I have found at least one piece of literature spectrum people, as they grow and live, will create a world interpreter.) What I mean is a person the spectrum person talks with a lot and they feel completely comfortable being themselves. By comfortable I mean the interpreter just lets them be quirks and all for a short time. An interpreter is a person that is safe to ask questions about social interaction, perception, ideas, and stuff. While this sounds like it should be a parent sometimes an interpreter is a sibling. For example, some of my conversations with my interpreter included just blowing off steam from work or perceptions of interpersonal relationships. I used to talk a lot about interpersonal relationships. I had this notion that my interpreter was better at making friends. It just my world interpreter was less socially awkward from watching me. Please note, I am writing in the past tense as my interpreter died suddenly and nearly ten years ago. I was forever altered by that loss. In ten years, I have yet to find someone I can be myself around. I am always aware of some social rules that I need to follow.  

I spent lots of time researching grief the differences between spectrum and non-spectrum; behavior taught around grief, and how a person is allowed to grieve…it is all individual. There is no magic answer. It only gets a little easier with time. Hopefully, there will be those who feel like they know a spectrum who never got over a specific loss in life it is my hope and prayer that this little post will shed some light on why.